Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
