you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
