there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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