My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
