Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
