Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
