i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
