The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
