just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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