dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
