If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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