hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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