i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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