i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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