i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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