I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
being pregnant is like rehab
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
