He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just had sex on a roof
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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