i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You're breaking my sexual little heart
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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