my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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