Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
