my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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