I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
