Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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