yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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