1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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