It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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