We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
