i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
