Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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