dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
