Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
