From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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