The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
