Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
