I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
