dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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