just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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