my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
