Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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