Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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