Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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