glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
