Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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