And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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