I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
