I am in a vortex of obligation.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
