Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
