Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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