We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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