just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
