Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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