after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
