Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
