so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
