I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
