Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
is it fun? or sober?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
