Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
