I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
