One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
