He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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