Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
