i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
