I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
