My room smells like vodka and shame
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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