It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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