after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
