if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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